I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
