His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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