This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
