he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
