I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
