So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
