Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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