Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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