imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
