My underwear smells like fireworks.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
where are you?
Hypothermia
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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