Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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