could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
