I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
