There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Randomize
