i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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