he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
