Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
