dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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