Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
