Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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