Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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