Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
