Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
