Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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