Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
