I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We are two peas in an std pod
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
