first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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