I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She's the barista slut.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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