please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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