Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
