so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
