i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
