In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
