so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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