I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
