i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
