I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
