great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
