There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I see more hoeing in ur future
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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