My liver just broke up with me...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
