I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
