I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
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I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
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I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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