I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We don't watch enough power rangers
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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