My first STD was from a foam party
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
