I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
