Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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