Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You need Xanax blowdarts
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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