Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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