Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize