I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
porn star boner night. come get it.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
