Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
