is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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