i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
