Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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