I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
