me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
