I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
