I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
These tits shall not be calmed
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
