Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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