Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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