clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
