You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
