I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
