nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
