it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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