Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
