he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
