eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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