Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
