I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
