I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
