I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
