First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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