at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
