Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
