hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
