This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
