Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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