I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
